Choosing a life partner, or not, is one of the most important life decisions one can make. Choosing a life partner, or not, to ride out a pandemic raises the bar considerably. As one might have done in more carefree times, let’s peruse the qualities of a potential pandemic mate. Disclaimer: household under scrutiny is a loud house with four lively children with a penchant for noise, clutter, laughter, arguments and an impressive ability to listen to Dolly Parton’s “There was Jesus” on repeat. This may not be your house.
Foraging skills – Zipping out to the local grocery store requires a plan that puts most major battles to shame. No one throws on a coat and toddles off to buy a litre of milk or a bag of nutmeg, whistling as they go. A viable pandemic mate is a planner, procurer, and just this side of hoarder. Donning PPE, a long list, and the scouting ability of a bird of prey, a mate keeps elbows up and all senses alert to threats. This is a mate who can bring home the bacon. Tofu. Lactose free milk. And lots of it in a time when supplies may be limited. This is a mate who appears triumphantly at the door depositing bags and bags of offerings from the outside world. Metaphorically beating chest and wearing the pelts of wild animals your mate keeps you and yours alive and well. This is now grocery day. And your mate has never looked better.
Transferable skills such as dance – Strobe lights, crowded dance floor and a horned rimmed hipster pair of beer goggles can’t blur the talents in this area. Can mate groove in the early mornings or the middle of a sentence to the likes of the Highwaymen or Dolly Parton on repeat? When chosen music has been belted out since 7:30 am amidst chaos can mate still tap a toe or dare I say wiggle what their mama (or dada) gave them just to bring a smile to the faces of children missing much of the outside world? This takes more courage and rhythm than three sheets to the wind lurching about the sweaty dance floor.
Caffeine appreciation – This is key. If your partner does not drink coffee, first, weird, but moving on, second, can your partner appreciate and value your desires? In the caffeine area I am referring. Yeah, yeah, does he or she look good in a pair of jeans. Sure, that’s all well and good but will he or she refill the coffee maker, ask non-judgmentally if you would like your 13th coffee, and applaud your efforts to wait until the coffee has actually poured before trying to drink it? That’s sexy.
Work – The ability of a home especially one with children to switch to a workplace and a school is tested in a pandemic. Children unbothered by social conventions of work and rather disparaging to others who are can be uncooperative. Children appear oblivious that it appears unprofessional for their parents’ coworkers to hear the latest adventures and disagreements of the calico critters or to hear someone yell the word diarrhea repeatedly in various voices followed by raucous laughter. Children are unabashedly living their life during meetings, proposals, assessments and they don’t mind one bit if no one else can hear a thing during a meeting. This is not a question of your partner allowing such a level of noise, but does your partner possess both the trust and ingenuity to hide in the downstairs bathroom with the phone and carry on as if he or she is not standing in the bathroom hoping the children don’t seek he or she out to carry on this discussion of bodily functions and perceived wrongs? Does your partner trust enough that he or she knows you will come and rescue him or her as soon as it becomes known that what sounds vaguely like a professional call is echoing through the heating ducts from the basement? If your partner is clever and trusting enough, they will shine at working from home. How hunky do they look now? Cowering in the bathroom with fear in their eyes. Able and flexible, dare I say supple? It’s a small bathroom.
Care for the vulnerable and their protectors – Can mate understand that a really good deal on a cruise last March was not a good idea for you and the countless others depending on strangers for solid moral choices? Will your mate express empathy for those vulnerable and also appropriate outrage at those not protecting the vulnerable? This critical time tests one’s moral compass. Makes the weak frighteningly apparent and the strong so very strong. Taking action in an urgent situation is important. Be strong. Keep being strong. More strength needed. Stamina facing an invisible but no less real threat requires a trait we have often not had to rely on. Surely, this is attractive to most.
Like our politicians, the traits that before passed as capable and even engaging, in a pandemic shift quickly to incompetent, lacking and weak. The compatibility of a mate is no longer one that will be relieved when one of you leaves for a getaway weekend in a tropical locale. It cannot be confused by the barbecues with friends and beer. It can’t be blurred by fancy meals at restaurants and plays downtown. This is a person who you are looking at day in and day out. This is a person your life will depend on. The quality certainly, but you also need to trust this person will behave in a way that promotes the safety and well-being of you and yours. Your choice is right there sitting across from you with all the stresses of a surreal world surrounding just you two. This is real.
While a pandemic does isolate by necessity, it also helps one focus on relationships in a most powerful way. Friendships may be lost but they may also be strengthened. The frivolity of some relationships will be revealed while the steadfastness of others may be discovered. Rejoice in the quality. A deeper, more profound relationship blossoms. It also means you don’t have to build as big a bunker for the apocalypse. It’s a win win.